dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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