Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
