you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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