fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
