That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
