You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
