the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
