My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
