did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize