Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
