the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
