cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize