brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
