i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
