Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
