If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
