Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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