His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
