there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
