Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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