dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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