My hand turned me down
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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