I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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