why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
