So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
