Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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