I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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