:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
