I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
