bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
