It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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