Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
