oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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