I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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