my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
