absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
