I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i came on her dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
