I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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