I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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