So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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