I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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