I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
