it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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