On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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