just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
