why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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