My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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