Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
