Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
