You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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