remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
