i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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