Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
