My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i dont even know how to be here
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
