the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
