mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
