There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The air was thick with penises
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
