omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
