First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
