Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
