Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
