The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
