stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
