There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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