you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
