Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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