By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
