shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
