Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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