take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
