I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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