theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
