i think i have herpe
just one?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
