just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
