The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
