Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
