Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
